You're completely useless in the revolution.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
