so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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