I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
