He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
