you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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