Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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