she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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