you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My vagina is officially offended.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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