margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
