Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
