I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
