bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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