No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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