Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
