I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize