At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
