I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
