That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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