In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
