I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
