OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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