There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
