he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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