Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
