ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
