I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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