You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
