Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
