that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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