he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
