the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This is classic penis vs brain.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
