i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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