oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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