i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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