lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
