She's like a pop up book from hell.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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