What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
where are my eyebrows?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
