i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize