ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
