toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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