Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize