Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
