Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
