someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
