yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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