i just had sex bonerless
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
