i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
