I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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