I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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