He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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