i barfeds in our rink
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
