If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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