Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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