Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
