I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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