Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Farmville is her only friend.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
