I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
