all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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