What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
