everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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