just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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