What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
