It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
