Her vagina should come with caution tape.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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