I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
