So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
