sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
