I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
