So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize